Roller Coaster Days

Today was a day that got me thinking about the up and down rhythm of our days.

Up:  I got to sleep in today.

Down:  A beautiful, wonderful woman lost a pregnancy.

Up:  Girl time with friends and a makeup artist.

Down:  The fridge is having issues.

On balance, is that what even keel is?  Things flux up and down, people come in and out of our lives and we just keep dealing.  Maybe so.

My wonderful friend who lost her pregnancy today has been through the process several times, and honestly, I find it hard to believe that there is any justice in the universe, much less any benign deity, who would cause a good person so much pain.  Each lost pregnancy for her is a fresh, painful wound.  And frankly, she'd make a damn fine parent, which is more than I can say for some people who seem to breed like rabbits.  I don't believe this is her karma, either, because what does she need to learn from this loss that she didn't learn from the previous losses?  Is this a test?  It's a shitty test.  She deserves better.  I know, I know, it's not about deserving.  But it should be.

I wish there were more I could do to comfort her, to alleviate some of her pain, but there really isn't much.  She knows how I feel for her, and how much I want her to have the child she wants.  But the best I can do is offer my long-distance support, a virtual hug, and the promise that when not if she comes to visit, we will have a lot of fun tearing up the town.  In the meantime, I feel like I'm sitting on my hands, impotently wishing for better for her.  That is a downer.

Fortunately, I also spent time with a group of women who, collectively, have lived through all the ups and downs of life, and still know how to have fun.  Women who have lost loved ones, survived the break-ups of relationships, raised or are raising children, and lived through richer and poorer with class, sickness and health with dignity. 

But really, the best part was being with the friends.  Friends rock.  Friday  I had some girlfriend time  with another friend.  We went to Little Five Points, Atlanta's Haight-Ashbury.  Had a great time both days.  Woo hoo! Good friends are the pull-down safety harnesses for the roller coaster days.  Even if I don't always keep my arms and legs inside the vehicle, at least I know they have my back.  Thanks, ladies. 

I'm finding that I as I grow older, I'm getting girlier.  I'm not a tomboy, yet, I'm not a priss either.  I'm somewhere in between.  I've been trying to think what it is that I like about makeup, because, honestly, it's not a necessity.  In fact, I know some pretty beautiful women who don't do makeup.  I think I just like the play aspect of it.  I like the fact that I can paint my face and be different on any given day.  It's like a mask without the elastic band. 

And on some of those roller coaster days, I like having a mask.  Of course, my friends will always see the me underneath.